Here are some tips on how NOT to be a jerk at the movies. We all know these, but I thought it might be a good time of year to refresh your memories.
1) To the dude next to me during Zero Dark Thirty, why do you narrate what’s already happening on screen to your girlfriend? She can see it. Shut up
2) To the couple that stepped on my toes as they were looking for their seats during Skyfall, perhaps you should’ve gotten there on time. Don’t show up late
3) To the guy with the cheerful ringtone that went off during one of the kills in Killing Them Softly, Turn off your phones
4) To everyone else, Shut up
5) To the loving parents who brought their infant to Prometheus, Leave the baby at home
6) To the lady behind me who went to the bathroom in the middle of 21 Jump Street, The seat in front of you is not a railing
7) To the chatterbox cracking funny during Looper, You are not the star of MST3K, so shut up
8) To the girl who decided it was a good time to have “that” talk with her boyfriend during Lawless, Don’t answer your phone
9) Hey, guy with the bright screen on all through Hitchcock, at the Egyptian Theatre, That text can wait an hour. If you don’t think it can, then leave the theater.
10) And finally, to the rude, obnoxious woman in the downtown Regal Cinemas in Los Angeles, yeah, I really disliked The Devil Inside as well, but for the love of sanitation and good taste, Don’t spit on the floor.